I’ve become really self conscious about my body. I know I’m going to wear myself out by doing so much, but when I dont have practice I either run two miles, or run hills. Not to mention thats after i get up at 5 in the morning and go to work until after 1.
This royal wedding has got me so depressed. I’d ask where my Prince was, but I already know. He’s sitting in his house on a hill in the west of town, unaware that I still care for him with everything I have-even if we were never anything more than friends.
that awkward moment when the biggest bitch you know calls you a bitch…………
I just want to hear your voice say my name. I just want it to be my birthday again so I can hear your voice behind me in the empty hall saying my name, and when I turn around hear you say “Happy birthday,” with a smile on your lips. Is it bad that I’m in a perfectly happy relationship and yet I still think of you? I still smile when I see you play tennis, I still find myself drifting off into space thinking of our past memories, our happy times.
Looking back I know that I was oblivious alot. That it was me enjoying myself and you just kind of there. But it doesn’t change the fact that the feelings I had I feel I’ll never feel again.
I just miss you. I miss your smile. I miss your tan lines. I miss waking up to your instant messages. I miss your morning phone calls, when you’d realize I was asleep so you would insist on letting me go, even though I’d beg for you to stay. I miss sitting on my porch swing and listening to the same music over and over again that reminded me of you. I miss my family picking on me at my family reunion because you called me twice.
I missed you. I miss you. I’ll always miss you. I loved you. I love you. I’ll always love you.
I just wish you missed me back, and I just wish you loved me back.
God, my mom sometimes just kills me. When she said “well, he was in sorts, your first love,” my heart just sank. For the fact that even she acknowledged the fact, killed me. Especially seeing as how usually she’s all, “teenagers don’t fall in love, blah blah.” Just, ugh. I care about my boyfriend more then words could ever explain. But some days it’s just hard to look at him in class and know that I once loved him more then I loved anything, that my day was based on when I would get to talk to him. To know that you once were important in his life too, and now I’m just nothing to him.
But I just have to tell myself it’s okay, because I have a boyfriend that cares about me so much, and that I care about right back. I really do think I made the best decision by being with him, and I’m so glad that he understands me more than every other person I know. I do not know where I’d be without him.